Jessica Fogle: Words

1-"The Ballad of Driftwood and Bubbles"

He holds a gun halfway down his throat
and I’m complaining about the noises
He holds a list in his fist and a lighter
and I hold checking account statements

Yea…
Baby I know I’m right
Yea…
Turn out the light.

He tempts the gods with his fatalist potions
and I am trying to straddle fences
He blurs his focus and finds bigger meaning
and I am squinting at bugs on concrete

Yea...
One of us can’t be right
Yea…
Isn’t that right?

Hey...
Don’t leave the light on
Hey...
Don’t wake me up when I’m dreaming.
Just my luck-
I’m always dreaming

(MUSIC)

Yea…
Just tell me I am right
Yea…
So we don't fight

He loves my nephews and I love my nephews
and he is drifting and I am drifting
He is like wood and I am like bubbles
and he is drifting
and we are drifting

Yea…
Maybe we both aren’t right
Yea…
So turn out the light
Just for tonight.






2-"I'll Get A Cat"

I'll get a cat
sometime next year
A cat
that much is clear
A cat
to keep me here
and make this my home.

I'll get a cat
the answer's plain
A cat
to hear the pain
A cat
to keep me sane
and keep me from you.

And she'll be my savior
And she'll guard my door
And she'll make sure
that you don't come around
anymore.

(interlude)

And if I go
out in the night
Alone and losing sight
and can't
put up the fight
and fall at your door

Here on my knees
I'll see her face-
My cat
who sits and waits
and her love
guides my fate
to bring me home.

And she'll be my savior
She'll wait at my door
And she'll make sure
that I don't go around
anymore.

And someday...

I'll be my savior
and I'll guard my door
and I'll make sure
that I don't go around
anymore.







3-"God If You Could Hand Me the Key (i'd like to get out of my head)"

God if you could hand me the key
I'd like to get out of my head
Things in here play on repeat
I'd rather take a walk instead
I've tried praying
I've tried saying
I'll try something new
But I always always always fall back on you...
My overactive brain.

I could win a marathon
in the speed of synapses firing
I suppose they have those already
They're called academic tournaments
But they should make one for paranoia or
self-defeating philosophies
'cause I could win a couple of medals at these.


I really do live "in the present"
It's just that in the present
my brain
won't
shut
up.
Some call it worry or mind-dispersion
I've tried yoga
I've tried deep-breathing
but they
can't
keep
up.

(dah dat dah dat)

Hey
I've tried praying
I've tried saying
I'll try something new
But I always always always
fall back on
Always always always
fall back on
Always always always
fall back on
YOU
Yes I do yes I
Always always always
fall back on
you...
my brain come true.


(did I say "brain?" I meant "dream")








4-Little Alice

Scrunch your nose up
Tickles slightly
Feel it throb inside
Toes start tingling
Ears start ringing
Find a place to hide

Head expanding
World is shrinking
You've heard this before
Little Alice
Drinking sinking
Voices in the floor
boards.

*
Something tells you
Take it easy
Now's no time to look
Bury softly
Bury noses
Curl up in a book

There's no book that
You can open
That will let you through
Might as well just
Pay attention
You know what to do...

IF
YOU
LIS-
TEN

THERE
IS
MU-
SIC

IN
THE
Monstrous
and
Mundane

And they are the same
And not the same.

*
In a blink
You realize
The lies that you protect
Your own eyes and ears
You'd rather
Publicly reject

You've been listening
To the people
Who need you to hear
Didn't hear a
g*ddamned thing but
Ringing in your ear.

(ding) (dong) (ding) (dong)
(ding) (dong)
(ding ding ding)
(ding dong) (ding dong)
(dong ding)
(dong)

Bells of heaven
Bells of hell
And all bells in between
Change the timbre
Change the meaning
You know what I mean

*
THERE
IS
MU-
SIC

IN
THE
Saint
and
the
Insane

And they are the same
And not the same.

*
Same and same and
Different different
Same and same and same
La la listen
La la to me
Won't you play my game?

Words and wisdom
Love the meaning
Or in love with sound
Hemmingway and Hitler
Both lie bloodless in the
ground.

(piano solo part 1)

(piano solo part 2)

*
If you think these words are music
Then that's all they mean.








5-"Hypocrisy"

Hypocrisy
clings to me
like a wet sweater
I'm damned to wear
for eternity
in a Sartre play.

Hypocrisy
can't you see?
It won't get better
while you're still here
with your eyes on me
and yet you stay.

You say
you want the best for me
(my duplicitous friend)
You play
the devil's game
then you wonder
where the money went
Yea, you wonder
where the money went

Honestly
Honesty
is a flag that I cling to
from some other nation
I desperately want to join

Honestly
I concede
That it's hard to make your way
to the station
when the tracks aren't joined.

You say
You want the best for me
You play
the devil's game
(by night)
and then
you wonder
where the money went
yea you wonder
where the money went...








6-"Made-to-Do (TM)"


Your spotless minds

Your warm embraces

Make me your mute

With good girl graces

You grab the reins

And steel your faces...


You ride me up

You ride me down

You taunt me 'til I'm

Your circus clown

You twist and twirl me

Into the ground...


I'm a storm
I'm a wave
that didn't want to roll
And I'm faced
with the fire
that's swallowing my soul
But you made the fire
and you made me too
You can't undo
what I'm
Made to Do.


I like to think

You'd like to change

But you're a deer

that's out of range

My headlights glaring

You say I'm acting

strange...


I'm a storm
I'm a wave
that didn't want to roll
And I'm faced
with the fire
that's swallowing my soul
But you made the fire
and you made me too
You can't undo
me with your
pretty words...

with your
pretty words...

and you believe them...

Dat da da da da
Dat da da da da da da da...






7-"Unpretty People"

I can't enter this beauty pageant called life right now just give me 30 days and I'll finally get my act together and go through the cathartic process that'd help me stop eating chips at night...
HEY I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I know we just don't talk about these things it's just that I don't really feel like I'm real in this culture whenever I'm overweight...


But hey
I'll get my act together
I tell myself "this time I swear"
I didn't always look this way
but
months are passing
years are passing
and when
I get my act together
I'll act like I was never here
and I'll look down on all
the unpretty people
with
pity or condescension


You and I had a fight the other night and I'm feeling like I might throw up and I've got a headache and a pain in my neck that comes from our love...
BUT now we've somehow patched it over
patchwork quilt of guilt and roses, now we're talkin marriage but i've got one more doubt to swallow...


But hey
we'll get our act together
I tell myself "this time I swear"
We didn't always hurt this way
but
months are passing
years are passing
and when
we get our act together
i'll act like we weren't ever here
and I'll look down on all
the unpretty couples
with
pity or condescension

my benevolent misunderstanding...

cause i'll have unintentional amnesia...


Tryin to close my eyes
And make a wish
Keepin them closed
Pretending I'm not here
Tryin to forget the present like it's past
Tryin to forget the present like it's past
Tryin to forget the present like it's passed...


Gonna make a list of things I love like swimming, walking in the park, playing tennis, and playing piano for elderly people and...
HEY I'm gonna start doin these things real soon instead of reading newsletter emails meant to inspire me to live the life that I'd live if I'd only stop reading email...


But hey
I'll get my act together
I tell myself "this time I swear"
I didn't always feel this stuck
(this stuck)
(this stuck)
But
months are passing
years are passing
and when I get my act together
I'll act like I was never here
and I'll look down on all
the unable people
with
pity or condescension

my benevolent misunderstanding

'cause I'll have unintentional amne...







8-"Autumn"

Autumn had red hair blowing in the wind
Autumn walked with a confident stride
Autumn knew that people liked her face
She smiled at people passing by

Autumn knew she was different, somehow
Autumn knew she had a place in it all
With every step her confidence grew
But every step broke her heart a little too

'cause

Every step made her one step closer to the dream that may not come true
Every step increased her worry that she'd been sold a lie
somewhere along the line

Autumn fell into her past
Autumn couldn't tell when she was lost
Autumn found she wasn't breathing when she thought she was

Autumn slowed her own momentum
Autumn froze in the wake of it all
Til she sought divine intervention and prayed it'd break her fall

...still

Every step made her one step closer to the dream that may not come true
Every step increased her worry that she'd been sold a lie
somewhere along the line

Every step made her question if she was a puppet for someone else's plan
With every step she didn't feel wiser--
only older than
she used to be.

Autumn had red hair blowing in the wind

Autumn walked with a confident stride

She smiled at people passing by...







9-"Duct Tape" (*based on a poem by Ray Brazaski, music by J.F.)

Oh how we find
the grabbing
the loss of freedom
No more color in the world
Just silver

Holding back
to see the distance
Just another color
on the rainbow

Manifest destiny on my lawn
Or through my suburban basement window

Through my suburban basement window...

Oh how we lose
our meaning
the cause of anger
Something stranger
to keep us from
searching so hard for...

Manifest destiny on my lawn
or through my suburban basement window
through my suburban
basement window

This is my complacent acceptance of
the luxury of American ignorance
I fall
I fall
I fall into it
Without knowing
Without knowing
or understanding
understanding those around me.







10-"You and Me (Astigmatism)"

You and me
are birds of a feather
which means that
you and me
stick together
until we
change our minds
and fly away.

You and me
are peas in a pod
where one got eaten
the other got dropped
on the floor
and stepped on by God
or someone like him
I don't know.

You and me
We seem to agree
about nothing
most of the time.
You and me
can't even agree
to disagree
cause that'd be progress.

You and me
belong to each other
which means that sometimes
you date my mother
and I get stuck
with your dad--
it's kinda creepy.

You and me
had love at first sight
but you need glasses
and in my right eye
I have astigmatism--
I'll have to get that checked out soon.

You and me
We seem to agree
about nothing
most of the time.
You and me
can't even agree
to disagree
cause that'd be progress
That'd be progress
That'd be progress
Hey that'd be progress.





11-"PreComprehension"

If Beauty is
the world pre-comprehension
Then what's Psychology been doin' to me?

If Science makes the stars
less lovely
Then does it make them
Harder to see?

A wild wind blew through my
livingroom today
A wild wind blew in and
knocked my papers to the floor
A wild wind blew in and
told me there was
Something more.

If Beauty is
the world pre-comprehension
Then what's Psychology been doin' to me?

If Science makes the stars
less lovely
Then does it make them
Harder to see?

Somebody helped me find the way
Somebody helped me find the way
Somebody helped me find the way
but they were
Wrong.






12-"Head to Head" (poem by Ray Brazaski, music J.F.)

Head to head and who has
The better story
Leaving the room
With guilty accusation in the mouth
My pain has verses in
My life
And courage to come across
You entreat me
To know what I must
Already wonder
And we clash
From your mouth comes
My deafness and my
Wonder about pronouns…
And the song goes…
Who’s bold enough
To reveal
All the things
We can’t heal….
Fall away
Fall away
(in the chorus, or, perhaps, in the A of the A,B sequence….)
We’ve lost the
Wonder of how it was.
My head: this must mean that I’ve fallen behind, kinda lost my place. Nothing has changed, in fact, everything has gotten stronger…
REPEAT
REPEAT
Another talk
Me fencing
You advancing
And touché
Come away with a bloody face
Who’s got the better story
Who’s bold enough
To reveal
All the things
We can’t heal
Fall away and, and…
Deafness finds us head to head
A wonder of how it was
We’ve lost the wonder
Of how it was

repeat





13-"Elephant Rug" (not for kids)

You say you know all about love
You say your love is unconditional
You say you did the best you could
And could I do better?

Well I don't have an elephant rug
in my living room
I keep my dirt in plain view
And that scares the s&*t out of you.

You just wanna
sweep sweep sweep
sweep sweep
me away
You just wanna
sweep sweep sweep
sweep sweep
me away
You just wanna
sweep sweep sweep
sweep sweep
me away
Wel I say
Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h?
Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h.

You yell and tell me to be nice
Screaming how you can't hear the quiet in the room
You hold a gun against my temple
And put a blanket in my tomb

Well I'm done with your creature comforts
I'm done with your keepin me safe
It was never a blanket I was under
It was just a straightjacket you crocheted.

Hey hey hey hey...

Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h?
Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h.

Hey I've got a good idea
You could chop me up in pieces
'Fore you sweep me under there.
A little less bulky for the wear.
So long as no one finds the tear.

...2,3,4

You just wanna
sweep sweep sweep
sweep sweep
me away
You just wanna
sweep sweep sweep
sweep sweep
me away
Well I say
Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h?
Why don't you take a vacuum to your heart, b*+@h.






14-"The Inside of My Microwave"

You don't want to see
the inside of my microwave
Haven't cleaned it out
for quite some time
Funny how that goes...

The less I clean it
the more that it needs cleaning
But the less I've got the guts
or got the time
to try to make it shine

Funny how that goes...
Funny how this microwave
is like my soul.

Check back soon! Production notes for each song soon to come:-)

Du Bist Einen Fogle! (2010)


1- The Psychology of Holes

There's a hole
There's a hole
in the bottom of my soul
Where feelings come
and feelings go
and they fall through into
nowhere.

It's a void
a black hole
Diving into the unknown
I pour my coffee down it
Try to see where it goes...

I try to talk
try to talk about it
I try to understand
the psychology of holes
Try to fill it with
books
with people
with god...
but it all
falls
through.

So where does it go?
I don't know.

There's a hole
There's a hole.
Can I patch it?
I don't know.
Cuz I've tried so sincerely
so many times before!

Maybe you have a hole
in the bottom of your soul
We could speculate together
on the origin of holes.

Was it your father?
Was mine my mother?
Do you remember coldness
and reaching for more?
Was there a loneliness
that went on in your heart
long after you closed
that door?

There's a hole
There's a hole
That's beyond my control
I can be in the world
and still feel alone.

So here I go
Here I go
Tryin to remedy this hole
But I've tried so sincerely
so many times before!

So many times before!






2- Poetry & Therapy (or "Bottomless Pit")

Poetry & therapy
Hand in hand
will always be
in love
OH YES!
in love:-)

Side by side
two halves of whole
Sharing one cathartic soul
in love
with hopes
to heal!

LOVE
oh
LOVE
there's
NOTHING WRONG WITH LOVE!
(except when you believe
it's rea-
son-
a-
ble!)

I can lie in fits of rage
Or I can lie upon a page
though I
am not
unkind.

And I may think I crave the truth
when what I crave is endless proof
and THEY ARE NOT
THE SAME!

Words
OH
Words.
There's something wrong with
words.
BUT JUST WHEN YOU BELIEVE
THAT THEY CAN HEAL YOU!

(twinkling
on a star
how i wonder what you are
how i hope that we could still
go dancing...
twinkling
on a star
though i know you're very far
how i hope that we could still
go dancing...)

Paint a picture
Ride a bike!
Do it any way you like!
It's all
a grand
PARADE!!!!

(there's no getting to the bottom
of a bottomless pit!
so please stop "getting to the bottom
of it"!)







3- Abductees

I could compile a list of you
To try to convince you to not take flight
Perhaps I could save you from yourself
for awhile

I could imagine a trip to outer space
and you and me could be abductees in a grand escapade
and we'd like it
the glorious purpose
bigger than ourselves.

You
believe in
me and you
But you
also believe
in your silent strategy
(oh no)
how can both of these things be?

Like a bird in the night
You come to my room
With a tear in your eye
and a look on your face
that the mother in me loves.

Like a sad little houseplant
You wither away
In a stuffy apartment where we
wait for a friend.
Singing "Fool on the Hill"
for the 38th time.

You
believe in
Me and you.
But you
also believe
it's time to get outta here.
(oh no)
I think that logic isn't clear
(oh no)
Which one do you most revere?


To be
or not to be
Despite your love for me
You ask yourself the question
endlessly...






4- D o u b t

You say the words
I know the weakness
I hear it calling my name

I long to hear
You long to witness
What a deliberate game...

Something I know
Tells me to listen
You say it's all in my head

Some ways you're right
It's everywhere I am
And you say that God is Dead.

And you
You like to judge me
And you
You like to doubt.
It isn't that you don't believe
It's maybe that you just don't see
another way out.

You like to trust
Only your reason
You say it's reasonable

Though I can't touch
What's not in season
I know that you and I both know
There are some things that can grow.

And you
You like to judge me
And you
You like to doubt
It isn't that you don't believe
It's maybe that you just don't see
another way out.







5- Nobody Loves an Egotist

Nobody loves an egotist
Nobody loves a whore.
If nobody loves an egotist
then what are egos for?

Some days I'm quite the egotist
While others I'm quite the whore
Whoring around my ego
in case you're keeping score.

You say
"Why don't we go!"
I say
"Check my ego!"
You say
"Check your ego at the door."
But they're
only taking raincoats.







6- False Confidence

Everywhere that I turn
I see her calling to me
Saying you are what you seek

Everywhere that I look
are people who say
Self-esteem is to never be weak

But oh!
False confidence
is bringing me down.

She can spot a weakness
and tell you that's how she used to be
But now she's on TV!

Hey look! She's rich and famous!
Says if you wanna be just like me
Ditch those insecurities.

But oh!
False confidence
is bringing me down.

She's got you putting on a show
She's got you believing a lie.
At any moment you will blow
You won't believe how much you can cry
when you've kept it inside all your life

and OH!
False confidence
is bringing me down.

I've seen it in the magazines
I've seen it on the movie screen
I've seen it in the industry
I've seen it when you look at me
I've seen it in the government
I've seen it in a president
I've seen it in a born-again when he says it's time to bomb again
I've seen it in Satan's spawn
I've seen it in the men of God
I hear it on the radio
I see it everywhere I go

So if you wanna play strong
because there is too much at stake
Just don't forget
it's a game.







7- Heart, Your Friend

There's a song I remember
And it goes
da di da di da i da
I coulda been
I coulda been
your friend.

And it feels like an ember
that won't glow
no no o no o o
I coulda been
I coulda been
your friend.

And I sang it to you
And you wouldn't hear me
It made me feel wrong
With everyone looking
You made me feel stupid
for writing that song

I thought you liked me too.
But I guess I never knew
I was wrong.

<>
If I could I'd discover
Just the thing
that made you turn away

I could tell you I'm sorry
If I knew
What it was I did or didn't do or say.

Well maybe you hate me
Maybe you doubt me
Or maybe I'm wrong
Well maybe I scare you
Perhaps you don't like me
Because I'm so strong

I could speculate all day
But it will not take away this shame.

<>
I suppose I should thank you
For the thing
I couldn't learn any other way

Won't forget what you've taught me
There are things
that I thought I needed you to say.

To have you forgive me
To have your permission
To keep being me.

But I can't have your blessing
if you just won't give it
It's not up to me.

And the silence is your choice
and I can make my choice
and write my next song.

And you may never like me
No you may never love me
But I can move on.

I've spent these years wondering why
I've hoped and prayed and cried
But I think it's time I said
goodbye.

Coulda been
I coulda been
your friend.







8- Satellite Photo (poem by Ray Brazaski, music by J.F.)

Scream so loud
In the head
Of a dreamer
Felt by proxy
Another drop
Flying as a person above
(Everyone small)
Infinite nothingness, inside this great height,
Behind the strings pulling this camera up
Up
So good, technology can't see these strings...
Up
See us under the trees and satellite photo
Screaming
Hurt on me
Perspective and
You in pain
Me seeing it from
The roots
Grass
Green
Scream
Scream now so
I can hear

...

Me and you
Were never this far
Above the Earth
And
Never
So
Near

...

No strings attached
The head
Of a dreamer
Screams
And
My
Love.
My Love.
My Love.







9- Someone to Save

Oh how I'm changing my mind
Thoughts streaming in and around
My heart is on hold
As I'm growing old
Feel like a miserable clown

Caught in this cage in my head
Questioning under and over
Making a break
I'll make my escape
Until I remember I like you

And then we touch
and thoughts slip away
This celebate life
leads me to stray
But you must wait til I initiate
Otherwise the demons won't open the gate

Making these bombs in my sleep
Waking with ammo from dreams
Ready to stir up
The growing dust in my bed

Moving as fast as I can
Losing this race I can't win
Cause it's not a race
and yet I keep thinking it is.

If you were a painter
I'd ask you to paint
If you were a sinner
I'd look for a saint
If you were a loser
I'd leave you to win
There's not too much hope
for this mess that I'm in

So I write my resignation
Draw a map to somewhere else
Where is GOD in all of this?
Am I really by myself?

Fleeting moments
of connection
Moments with a purpose here
Mostly I'm
too scared to wait
and so I plan my big escape!

I know my words are hollow
And yesterday's words aren't today's
I hope you weren't just looking for
someone to save.

Maybe there isn't an answer
And maybe the questions aren't true
Or maybe I'm too scared to be with myself
so I spend my time staring at you.

And you are the frog
And I'm in a class
I'm learning the rules
as you sit on your ass
And I've got my scalpel
and you've got your pride
Why are you still here?
Won't you push me aside?

And will I ever trust you?
Will I ever trust myself?
Will I stop this guessing game
and learn to live for
Something else.






10- Invisible ________

There's an invisible path that leads us to the truth
And I think I'm further on this path than you
On this path are saints and heroes
On this path are criminals
And I know my place in this endless race - do you?
On this invisible path that leads us to the truth.

There's an invisible scale that measures our success
And I swear my worst is better than your best
On this scale are all the good deeds
On this scale are all the bad seeds
I know my weight and I tell you yours is less.
On this invisible scale that measures our success.

Would you go and write a symphony so I can change my mind?
Would you go and solve world peace, be my idol dear?
Or do I have to keep on dragging you behind?

There's an invisible wall between your heart and mine
And I love to tell you how high I have climbed
But maybe I am climbing nowhere
Maybe you are going somewhere
Maybe I am on the wrong path
Maybe I'll be starting over
Maybe you're a small but good seed
Maybe I'll be planted soon
Inside a humble place I've yet to view

In that
Invisible world that breaks us down
Invisible soul that draws us out
Invisible path that leads us to the truth.








11- In the presence of...

You are a river
Flowing through me
You are an angel
I'm dying to see
You are trying
So hard to be
The one that I wanted
The one that I need

You are taking less than you give
You keep it simple
while I'm struggling to live
I get afraid
I look away
I search for the back door
But then you reach out
and hold me
You hold me so I can breathe.

You are a river
Flowing through me
You are an angel
I'm dying to see
You are trying
So hard to be
The one that I wanted
The one that I need.







12- Your Little Toes (poem by Ray Brazaski, music by J.F.)

Your little toes
Inside your skin
Defined
By all your cartilage

A swimming pool
A shark inside
We swim to see
How deep it is

Blood and bone
Under the depths
The crimson spreads
To expose the rose

Slow motion to the top
Inside the blue
Bubbles flurry
In your nose

Break the surface
A death appeal
A gasp for air
And your little toes












13- Static (is the Sound of the Universe Breathing...)
(poem by Ray Brazaski, music by J.F)

Where is it...
Rabbit ears on the T.V.
Can't watch your shows
Come this evening

12 channels of nothing
Remote on a pile of clothes
Static is the sound of
The Universe breathing

Lay your head on my shoulder
When we look up
And see the star's
Light making us travel through time

A lack of batteries
When I found your clothes
And the remote
Did not work...

Where is it...
This control for me
And the thing we watch (T.V.)
Or just a light in the sky

A swing into the drawer
That holds my shit...
A conflagration of information
Me and you and all my tries

Warm hand on my face when
I want to scream to the stars
And now
I...should...

Look to the stars
And hold the hand in mine
While we watch the static that is
The Universe breathing...










(c) 2010 Cathartic Frog Records








<>